To me it is the one thing that really matters in this life and it struck me at this moment while I was in a bathrub full of hot water that I may not be doing enough. Enough meaning that what if I am not doing enough to gain eternal life? Now, I know that eternal is granted by the acceptance of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross and loving Him. But what if I need to do more. What if I COULD be doing more than what I am doing now, not only to please God, but (again I come back to this thought that I have mentioned before) to help those around me.
Overall, I don't necessarily fear death. I believe in a loving God who gave his Son as a sacrifice so that I and all others who accept Him could have eternal life. But (and this is a big but) what happens when I stand before Him in my passing. What will He think of me? What will He think of my life? Will He be proud? Happy? Angry? Disappointed? Sad? Will He banish me?
It really is my worst fear and for some reason it suddenly dawned on me while I was laying in a bath tub of hot water.
I am not perfect. I mess up a lot. I am tempted by circumstances and situations that I know in my heart are not pleasing to God. Though, I still end up doing them. I still end up getting sucked into acting on sin. I don't like it and sometimes I feel like I am a terrible person. I wonder though what God thinks of me. And what He will think of me after my time here has passed.
To awaken each morning with a smile brightening my face; to greet the day with reverence for the opportunities it contains; to approach my work with a clean mind; to hold ever before me, even in the doing of little things, the ultimate purpose toward which I am working; to meet men and women with laughter on my lips and love in my heart; to be gentle, kind, and courteous through all the hours; to approach the night with weariness that ever woos sleep and the joy that comes from work well done - this is how I desire to waste wisely my days. - Thomas Dekker
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