What is your worst fear?

Picture me laying in a bath tub (or maybe not), jamming out to some Christian music, and out of no where I start to cry. Odd I know. I got this thought though and it just really struck me deep - "Is anything that I am doing in my life going to please God? And more importantly am I doing what he has intended me to do?"

To me it is the one thing that really matters in this life and it struck me at this moment while I was in a bathrub full of hot water that I may not be doing enough. Enough meaning that what if I am not doing enough to gain eternal life? Now, I know that eternal is granted by the acceptance of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross and loving Him. But what if I need to do more. What if I COULD be doing more than what I am doing now, not only to please God, but (again I come back to this thought that I have mentioned before) to help those around me.

Overall, I don't necessarily fear death. I believe in a loving God who gave his Son as a sacrifice so that I and all others who accept Him could have eternal life. But (and this is a big but) what happens when I stand before Him in my passing. What will He think of me? What will He think of my life? Will He be proud? Happy? Angry? Disappointed? Sad? Will He banish me?

It really is my worst fear and for some reason it suddenly dawned on me while I was laying in a bath tub of hot water.

I am not perfect. I mess up a lot. I am tempted by circumstances and situations that I know in my heart are not pleasing to God. Though, I still end up doing them. I still end up getting sucked into acting on sin. I don't like it and sometimes I feel like I am a terrible person. I wonder though what God thinks of me. And what He will think of me after my time here has passed.

To awaken each morning with a smile brightening my face; to greet the day with reverence for the opportunities it contains; to approach my work with a clean mind; to hold ever before me, even in the doing of little things, the ultimate purpose toward which I am working; to meet men and women with laughter on my lips and love in my heart; to be gentle, kind, and courteous through all the hours; to approach the night with weariness that ever woos sleep and the joy that comes from work well done - this is how I desire to waste wisely my days. - Thomas Dekker 

Enough. Is. Enough - I'm no SuperHero

Well, I finally cracked. Cracked as in the mirror broke into shards of glass and I crumbled...cracked. But without all of the bad luck that goes with that type of cracked.

For the last 4ish month I have been working at Target on a part-time basis (in addition to working 50 hours a week at my full-time job and trying to do well in a leadership program, blah blah blah) and I finally decided that enough is enough. I have decided that I am going to turn in my two-weeks notice today and with that sense of knowledge I have instantly felt relieve sweep over my entire body and self.

Why does it tend to take a person going through extremities so long to finally conclude that "hey... enough is enough" and a change needs to happen?

At Target I thoroughly enjoyed my job, but it was honestly deteriorating me phyically, mentally, and socially in all aspects you could imagine. I slowly found myself at the brink of hitting bottom... again. I felt a while back that I probably should've given the job up to make more time to simply enjoy my life, but I wouldn't budge. Why though? Why do I and so many others decide to go through with these extreme situations of unhappiness?

We as people sometimes believe that we are super-human (i.e. picture of your favorite super hero... batman?) and have the ability to go through circumstances without ceasing, but when it comes down to it I don't think that we really can in the end. A person needs sleeps; a person needs happiness; a person needs quiet time; and a person needs a connection to other humans. I thought for some strange reason that I could go without all of these things just to make a few extra bucks, but I can't. No one really can.

Some reasoning to why "we" think we can go without these human needs? It is because we live in a fast-paced society that pushes the sense of doing everything to the now. That if you stop, or let your energy down for one second all could be lost... Hmm... that sounds pretty spot on. Overall, I feel that our society needs to get back to the simplicity of life in finding happiness from the small ideals like friendship, relaxation, walking through the park, enjoying the beauty that is around us, etc... Lately I have missed all of these things so much because I was in this "fast-paced, get it done now" attitude. Luckily for me I have concluded that I need to step back out of that way of thinking and step into a simpler realm of well... time for myself and for those close to me.


Now, getting back to my original question regarding"when do we decide that enough is enough?" - I am not sure what the answer to that question is in the end. I simply know that we tend to push ourselves to the edge a lot in life and it only seems to be getting closer to that edge as society continues to develop.  Is there ever an end?

“Always remember to slow down in life; live, breathe, and learn; take a look around you whenever you have time and never forget everything and every person that has the least place within your heart.”

The Year 2012 --- I Have A Dream...

"I Have A Dream (It Feels Like Home)"
"I have a dream
That you can have with me
Of a city that shines so bright at night

Where love is true
But this love He finds you
And there is a fire in His eyes
Where I can see everything's alright

It feels like home
Sweet home
There's no, no, no, no, no, no, no place like home

When I awake
That day of glory
Your love will light the sin-deep streams

O we will meet
Our souls are longing
We'll be a symphony of peace
Brothers and sisters will be free
Thank God Almighty they'll be free

It feels like home
Sweet home
There's no, no, no, no, no, no, no place like home

It feels like home
Sweet home
There's no, no, no, no, no, no, no place like home

Ooooohhh
I hear the bells are ringing
Ooooohhh
I see the city lights
Ooooohhh
The dream was real until you close your eyes

It feels like home
Ooooohhh

It feels like home "


So, I was listening to the radio on my way home from work this evening (yes work on New Year's Eve) and I heard song. It seemed right as I ponder my course during this new year, 2012. My hope is that I will discover a place that feels more like a home to me, rather than a place of worry, stress, and despair. My dream is that I will do more with my life (as I discussed during recent posts). So, this song seemed like a pretty good start to what I feel is going to be a very good year. Additionally, this song highlights (in my opinion) one of the most influential and endearing men of our time, Martin Luther King, Jr. So, with that I end this post with a few words from Dr. King himself. I wish everyone a very blessed new year filled with much joy, love, peace, and opportunity. 

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s Thoughts:
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” 

“Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase.”  


“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” 

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”  


“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” 

“Never, never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way.”  


“A man who won't die for something is not fit to live.” 

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”  


“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” 

“There comes a time when silence is betrayal.”  


“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” 

“People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they have not communicated with each other.”  


“Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy to a friend.” 

“No person has the right to rain on your dreams.”