Those Moments In Life

You know those moments in your life?

I mean those moments of change and clarity that really help to move you forward. How about the moments of sadness; moments of anger; moments of jealous and lust? What do those moments mean and how do they shape each of us?

You know those moments of pure joy; moments of feeling that you belong and matter; moments of pure love; how do those moments make us a better person? Or do they make us into a worse person when those moments fade into darkness?

What about those moments of heart break; moments of gossiping; moments of deceit; moments of lying; moments of frustration; moments of violence. Can these moments make us better or worse?

I wonder in what moment in my life did I change internally or externally and really begin to grow into the person that I see myself as today?

Was it every moment or simply a select few that really helped to shape each of us? What moments are there that maybe we don't even remember happened, but had a significant effect on our outlook of life?

What are your moments? 

I've been thinking about the moments that made me into a good or bad person. Trying to decipher when the light bulb went off in my head to pursue what I'm currently doing and believe what I currently believe. I guess I'm searching for that light bulb to go off again, and so as I wait, I wonder about how I came to be where I am now.

Love > Guns

I was driving down the street a few days ago. I paused at a stop sign, and I looked to my right where stood a sign posted in someone's front yard that read,


"Stop Shooting. We Love You." 

This sign touched me very deeply. For one thing I felt a sincere love for the family who put it in their yard. Right now in Pittsburgh, and in many other places throughout the world people are killing one another with a gun. More tragically than that many of the victims of gun violence are children and youth.

This sign also refueled my heart with pure love that I felt was recently slipping away from me. For someone to take such a violent act and to place it with the word love simply touched me. It reminded me that we need to love one another more radically and unconditionally. We need to wake up from our dreamy state and look around at all of the people in our lives that we can love every day instead of spreading hate, anger, gossip, judgement, or silence to those that are in need. We can do more.


"It is Christmas every time you let God love others through you... yes, it is Christmas every time you smile at your brother and offer him your hand." - Mother Teresa


I did a bit of research and I found a write up about the signs. It is a project being done by a woman named "Vanessa German, a 36-year-old performance and visual artist living in Pittsburgh’s Homewood neighborhood. German has gained publicity locally for “Love Front Porch,” an art project that encourages kids to stop by her house to paint, sculpt and create." Read more about the project here - http://theciviccommons.com/blog/stop-shooting-we-love-you.

Life.

Can anyone tell me the point to life? To living? To being? 

It is  an odd thought, or maybe it is more of a 'far out there' question, but really, what is the point of life. I wake up each morning striving to do good in the world. Trying to spread love where I walk in the lives of people that are around me. I mess up. Each day I try to be a good person, but I always seem to fall short along the way. I tend to say the wrong thing. I allow my emotions to take over and I act the wrong way. There are even many days when I feel like I did nothing good, but rather I spread bad to those around me. So, I tend to think (especially lately) what I am doing and what is the point to any of it?

I guess what keeps bringing me back to reality. What keeps helping me to wake up each morning and to push through each day is the simple fact that there must be something meaningful to this life. I simply have not discovered it yet.

Through the years I have suffered a lot of pain, heart break, lose, suffering, and discouragement. There is no way that all of that was for nothing. I know that there is more to life than what I am seeing or feeling right now. There has to be. I know that I didn't go through what I have for nothing.

There is purpose to life no matter how beaten down we feel, or how discouraged we become.

There is purpose. I am convinced of that fact. 

We simply have to find it, and sometimes finding it will of course be hard and long. We will have to keep reminding ourselves that there is purpose out there for each of us. And in the end I still do believe that everything that happened in the past will be worth it. It will have made us stronger.

So, I continue to come back  to feeling without a purpose, but I keep working at it. I keep working at this nutty thing called life. It does help when I get to experience those little moments when the love that I show is reciprocated with warmth and joy from another. In those little moments I see God again and I am reminded to keep going... to keep pushing... and to never give up. And above all I am reminded to always do everything in life with pure love for everyone. Even we feel down and out we might at least be able to make be a light in someone else's life through love.

"You can be whatever you want to be, not matter what others try to tell you." 

Walking w/ A Heavy Heart

It is simple.

The last few months, I have been walking with a very heavy heart, and in my opinion it can be one of life's toughest experiences.

Lately, I have let a lot of things in my life bring me down (unfortunately), including all of those work hassles and stresses, relationships with friends, and simply  trying to be a "good person."... whatever that means. It can be a lot to carry around with you... like strapping a pair of 50 pound weights to your shoulders and slowly moving to the next day.

And as so many others out there, when I am feeling down, I try to do those normal things to "deal with it", such as watching a sad movie, reading inspirational quotes, listening to depressing music, etc... Though overall, I don't want to be caught up in this long "funk" because I want to enjoy life rather than dwell in a pit of sorrow (which is where I feel like I have been lately).

I know that we all have been there, and we will probably be there again down the road. Recently, I realized something that I had not thought about before - there will be times in our life when we literally need to walk away from the stresses and sorrows that are stretching us like a rubber band in order to clear our head. In  order to rejuvenate our body. In order to truly find ourselves again.

So, when I recently found myself at the end of my rope (quite literally), I took a two-week vacation out of the country to visit some dear people in my heart where I had no access to communication back home. Taking the time away has honestly brought me back to life.

I didn't realize (in it all) how much my daily stresses that pop up day in and day out really impacted every aspect of my heart, mind, body, and soul until I was near the edge of a cliff and about to jump.

Let's say that you can't take a long vacation and get away.

Do something on your own like:

• Taking a walk in the peace of nature, 
• Laying in your yard or on the couch, 
• Going to the movies and getting a large popcorn, 
• Reading in a coffee shop, 
• Exercising, 
• Closing your eyes and breathing for a good minute, 
• Volunteering... 

I think the most important thing to do (at least what really helped me) is make sure that you leave your cell phone and get away from it all for a good chunk of time. I believe that society has trained us to feel that we cannot live even one second without communication (i.e. a cell phone, internet, etc...), but I think that is where we have it wrong. Everyone needs some time to themselves.

Watching the Clouds

Seeing More – Discoveries?
I watch the clouds drifting slowly by
The trees trembling so slightly
Bending, leaning, straightening
I watch the sun dry the deck, little by little warming the wood where my dog sleeps at my feet
I watch my breathing exhaling gently expanding
And open to possibilities and inhaling what is, what might be
I watch the possibilities turn my thoughts to dreams and images and stay with my breath
I watch the breeze bring in serenity, clarity, and peace by just being, by just being
-Esther Louie

Do you remember being a kid and spending day after day laying in the cool summer grass and watching the clouds pass through the sky? It was peaceful and without thought.

When do we lost that child like freedom and will to lay for hours and watch cloud animals form? When do we as an adult lose the time to enjoy the simplicity of life and the beauty around us? I'm sitting here in my car at a dead stop scrambling to get to my next destination and it hit me like a ton of bricks...

I caught a moment's glimpse of the clouds swaying and the beauty of the sun in the dusk filled sky and I was suddenly taken back to my childhood. I was taken back to days when I laid for hours in the grass with friends and family staring at the clouds, trying to find shapes of animals and objects, and laughing without reason as only a child can do.

There are times when I long to have that child-like patience, joy, and freedom to really enjoy the simple things in life. 

“Always remember to slow down in life; live, breathe, and learn; take a look around you whenever you have time and never forget everything and every person that has the least place within your heart.” – Unknown

“Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going to fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.” - Eddie Cantor  

Life's Only Guarentee = Death...

It is a fairly startling statement, but it is completely true. Besides death, what in life is 100% without a doubt guaranteed for every single human?

Nothing at all. 

So, you hear a statement like that and then what do you think? For me I heard it spoken by one of my close friends after a church service and it struck me deeply. I was once again reminded how important our time on this Earth is right now, but I was also reminded how short our time is here, too.

Though, I must admit that thinking about death makes me feel a bit scared. Now I might be a spiritual person, but even still I don't think I have enough knowledge to really know what to expect after I die. What is even scarier is thinking that I am not doing enough right this second to prepare my way for eternal life. 

I did a little bit of Google-ling online and I found out that Thanatology that is the study of death and dying and also Thanataphobia is the fear of death (in case you wanted to get some additional morbid information). For me I don't think that reading about the research that is being done on death and dying will succumb my fears of what will happen to me after I die.

However, I did do some research on those who had near-death experiences and shared their own experiences about what they saw and felt. These stories resonate more with me personally and help me to funnel through my thoughts and fears of death. However, I think you should do your own research and see what you think. I would be interested to hear your thoughts, stories, and perspective on death and dying.

Another friend made the statement that every human is simply a Pilgrim on their journey through this life to the promised land (Heaven).

I really like that thought... 

"Heaven is for Real" tells the story of a little boy who had a trip to Heave and back.
http://heavenisforreal.net/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3xItrGOi6Q;autoplay=1

"90 Seconds in Heaven" An extraordinary true story of death, heaven, and a return to life on earth.
http://www.90minutesinheaven.com/

Perspective = Reality

 "A person's perspective is their reality."

Perspective. 

Perspective can also be referred to as an outlook, attitude, context, angle, overview, way of looking, frame of reference, or a broad view... I like this last comparison to emphasize what I am discussing. Perspective is your view on someone or something, but only from a distance. Perspective is a broad view of looking at something or someone and what you see or feel from far away won't ever change unless you get closer. 

Picture this... you're a young  African American woman giving a presentation to a group of workers in upstate New York on diversity in the early 90's. You also have a background in hate groups and extremists. During the presentation two gentleman can't help but stare around you to your butt with a very annoyed look... so during a break you approach them with a kind attitude asking if there was a problem. They respond very stone faced, but polite with, "Well, yeah... We were just wondering where do you hide it?"

You feeling very puzzled exclaim, "Hide what?"

They respond, "You know... your tail. Where do you hide it?"
....... ?

Everyone has a perspective on everything. The above is a true story from an exceptional and extremely moving speaker that I recently heard during a workshop.

My thought after her story was how on earth can avybody in America actually believe that another human being with dark skin would also have a tail like a monkey?! Though it was quite literally what these gentleman above thought... because it was their perspective on dark skinned people. Their perspective was that dark skinned people were decendents of the monkey and therefore had tails.

Well, once I got past my infuriation towards these discussed gentleman I started to learn how everyone has a perspective, which originates from their knowledge, education, and experience surrounding specific topics.

We all have varying perspectives that won't always be the same. Now, the danger lies when we allow ourselves to develop a specific bias towards something or someone without having a lot of education or experience. It is in these instances that we are then prone to develop a bias for entire groups or things based on what little we may or may not know. The even greater risk here is that with each perspective that is then turned into a bias we then move toward having a thought, which then turns into action.

And sometimes our actions will not be good... simply because we have a lack of education, or experience... or perspective.

To stop this cycle from spinning out of control for the worse we need to check our bias' right away and think about what we are thinking. We also need to keep an open mind to people and situations.

Most importantly we should never allow ourselves to stay in our comfort zone. We need to push out of those comfortable situations and into circumstances that we may not be used to because those are the instances that we will learn the most and find the ability to discover greater perspectives.


"A person's perception is their reality."

As you interact with others today ponder this thought. You can not be sure of someone's situation, past experience, or struggle. So be less to judge and try to keep an open mind. 

  

Life... It Gives Me Heavy Boots

“I felt, that night, on that stage, under that skull, incredibly close to everything in the universe, but also extremely alone. I wondered, for the first time in my life, if life was worth all the work it took to live. What exactly made it worth it? What's so horrible about being dead forever, and not feeling anything, and not even dreaming? What's so great about feeling and dreaming?”

― Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close 

Honestly, if you find yourself with some extra time, please pick up and read "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close." It has been one of the best books that I've read in a very long time. You will learn, laugh, cry, and ponder your own life as you read this irresistible novel. As many probably know it is also a movie that's currently out in theaters starring Sandra Bullok and Tom Hanks. Though, I would urge anyone to read the book before seeing the movie.  

Educating Homeless Children = A Civil Rights Issue

Did you know that there are more than a thousand children and youth right now in our area that are experiencing homelessness as defined by the McKinney-Vento Homeless Assistance Act? Well, if you didn't then you need to wake up and start to notice this very invisible group.

What is even more pressing is that these children and youth have a tendency to suffer educationally because of the situations and circumstances that they are in (not necessarily to any one person's fault).

Though, the education of these children and youth is a civil right as stated by US Attorney David Hickton of Pennsylvania's Western Region. These young ones deserve more. They deserve hope for their future and the best avenue for it (besides shelter and food of course) is through an adequate education.

This Friday, US Attorney David Hickton, along with Brett Keisel of the Pittsburgh Steelers, Dr. Linda Lane of the Pittsburgh Public Schools, and Dr. Linda Hippert of the Allegheny Intermediate Unit will unite at a Press Conference that is being organized by the Homeless Children's Education Fund. Each will discuss the education of these vulnerable children and will plead the importance of their identification and attendance in school.

Be aware of the issue and tune in this Friday for coverage of the Press Conference. It is the hope of HCEF and others that this will be the start ot impacting these children youth in a brighter and more collaborative manner. To provide them Hope through Learning.

For more information, please visit www.homelessfund.org - or e-mail me at zmarsh@homelessfund.org.

One Step Closer.

Every person is one step closer to something. 

Your mom may be one step closer to baking her finest cake; your brother may be one step closer to graduating from college; you may be one step closer to helping that man find his way out of addiction; your friend may be one step closer to reaching her dreams. Others may be unfortunately one step closer to suicide; that man walking down the street may be one step closer to murder; that woman sitting in the coffee shop may be one step closer to stealing out of hunger.

My point is that we are all one step closer to something, but it doesn't always mean that we are heading in the right direction. For some it may be toward a road of darkness, lonliness, and utter confusion - asking themselves, "What is this life? What is my purpose?"

Others again, may be one step closer to reaching their dreams.

Think for a second the direction that you are heading and ask yourself, what are you stepping toward? Is it toward your dream, toward a bad choice, toward love, toward hate. Why did you decide to step in that direction in the first place? Was it out of passion, or out of lust, out of love, or out of revenge?

I am never too sure anymore what direction the steps of my feet are taking me in. There are some days that I feel I am heading toward my dreams of impacting others in a significant way. Then there are days when I feel like I am stepping back toward a hole of darkness, and finding myself lost in this confusing life.

It is so hard for a person to take that first step, but we all have to step toward something. My hope is that you are stepping toward something extraordinary.

    -Picture by Peter Chace

What is your worst fear?

Picture me laying in a bath tub (or maybe not), jamming out to some Christian music, and out of no where I start to cry. Odd I know. I got this thought though and it just really struck me deep - "Is anything that I am doing in my life going to please God? And more importantly am I doing what he has intended me to do?"

To me it is the one thing that really matters in this life and it struck me at this moment while I was in a bathrub full of hot water that I may not be doing enough. Enough meaning that what if I am not doing enough to gain eternal life? Now, I know that eternal is granted by the acceptance of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross and loving Him. But what if I need to do more. What if I COULD be doing more than what I am doing now, not only to please God, but (again I come back to this thought that I have mentioned before) to help those around me.

Overall, I don't necessarily fear death. I believe in a loving God who gave his Son as a sacrifice so that I and all others who accept Him could have eternal life. But (and this is a big but) what happens when I stand before Him in my passing. What will He think of me? What will He think of my life? Will He be proud? Happy? Angry? Disappointed? Sad? Will He banish me?

It really is my worst fear and for some reason it suddenly dawned on me while I was laying in a bath tub of hot water.

I am not perfect. I mess up a lot. I am tempted by circumstances and situations that I know in my heart are not pleasing to God. Though, I still end up doing them. I still end up getting sucked into acting on sin. I don't like it and sometimes I feel like I am a terrible person. I wonder though what God thinks of me. And what He will think of me after my time here has passed.

To awaken each morning with a smile brightening my face; to greet the day with reverence for the opportunities it contains; to approach my work with a clean mind; to hold ever before me, even in the doing of little things, the ultimate purpose toward which I am working; to meet men and women with laughter on my lips and love in my heart; to be gentle, kind, and courteous through all the hours; to approach the night with weariness that ever woos sleep and the joy that comes from work well done - this is how I desire to waste wisely my days. - Thomas Dekker 

Enough. Is. Enough - I'm no SuperHero

Well, I finally cracked. Cracked as in the mirror broke into shards of glass and I crumbled...cracked. But without all of the bad luck that goes with that type of cracked.

For the last 4ish month I have been working at Target on a part-time basis (in addition to working 50 hours a week at my full-time job and trying to do well in a leadership program, blah blah blah) and I finally decided that enough is enough. I have decided that I am going to turn in my two-weeks notice today and with that sense of knowledge I have instantly felt relieve sweep over my entire body and self.

Why does it tend to take a person going through extremities so long to finally conclude that "hey... enough is enough" and a change needs to happen?

At Target I thoroughly enjoyed my job, but it was honestly deteriorating me phyically, mentally, and socially in all aspects you could imagine. I slowly found myself at the brink of hitting bottom... again. I felt a while back that I probably should've given the job up to make more time to simply enjoy my life, but I wouldn't budge. Why though? Why do I and so many others decide to go through with these extreme situations of unhappiness?

We as people sometimes believe that we are super-human (i.e. picture of your favorite super hero... batman?) and have the ability to go through circumstances without ceasing, but when it comes down to it I don't think that we really can in the end. A person needs sleeps; a person needs happiness; a person needs quiet time; and a person needs a connection to other humans. I thought for some strange reason that I could go without all of these things just to make a few extra bucks, but I can't. No one really can.

Some reasoning to why "we" think we can go without these human needs? It is because we live in a fast-paced society that pushes the sense of doing everything to the now. That if you stop, or let your energy down for one second all could be lost... Hmm... that sounds pretty spot on. Overall, I feel that our society needs to get back to the simplicity of life in finding happiness from the small ideals like friendship, relaxation, walking through the park, enjoying the beauty that is around us, etc... Lately I have missed all of these things so much because I was in this "fast-paced, get it done now" attitude. Luckily for me I have concluded that I need to step back out of that way of thinking and step into a simpler realm of well... time for myself and for those close to me.


Now, getting back to my original question regarding"when do we decide that enough is enough?" - I am not sure what the answer to that question is in the end. I simply know that we tend to push ourselves to the edge a lot in life and it only seems to be getting closer to that edge as society continues to develop.  Is there ever an end?

“Always remember to slow down in life; live, breathe, and learn; take a look around you whenever you have time and never forget everything and every person that has the least place within your heart.”

The Year 2012 --- I Have A Dream...

"I Have A Dream (It Feels Like Home)"
"I have a dream
That you can have with me
Of a city that shines so bright at night

Where love is true
But this love He finds you
And there is a fire in His eyes
Where I can see everything's alright

It feels like home
Sweet home
There's no, no, no, no, no, no, no place like home

When I awake
That day of glory
Your love will light the sin-deep streams

O we will meet
Our souls are longing
We'll be a symphony of peace
Brothers and sisters will be free
Thank God Almighty they'll be free

It feels like home
Sweet home
There's no, no, no, no, no, no, no place like home

It feels like home
Sweet home
There's no, no, no, no, no, no, no place like home

Ooooohhh
I hear the bells are ringing
Ooooohhh
I see the city lights
Ooooohhh
The dream was real until you close your eyes

It feels like home
Ooooohhh

It feels like home "


So, I was listening to the radio on my way home from work this evening (yes work on New Year's Eve) and I heard song. It seemed right as I ponder my course during this new year, 2012. My hope is that I will discover a place that feels more like a home to me, rather than a place of worry, stress, and despair. My dream is that I will do more with my life (as I discussed during recent posts). So, this song seemed like a pretty good start to what I feel is going to be a very good year. Additionally, this song highlights (in my opinion) one of the most influential and endearing men of our time, Martin Luther King, Jr. So, with that I end this post with a few words from Dr. King himself. I wish everyone a very blessed new year filled with much joy, love, peace, and opportunity. 

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s Thoughts:
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” 

“Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase.”  


“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” 

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”  


“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” 

“Never, never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way.”  


“A man who won't die for something is not fit to live.” 

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”  


“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” 

“There comes a time when silence is betrayal.”  


“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” 

“People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they have not communicated with each other.”  


“Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy to a friend.” 

“No person has the right to rain on your dreams.”